


Kiss The Boy

by Scouts_Rocketship



Series: 101 Ways to Deal with Feelings [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Communication, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22331815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scouts_Rocketship/pseuds/Scouts_Rocketship
Summary: Jisung didn't know what or why he was feeling a certain way when he was with Chenle. All he knew was that when Chenle smiled at him like that, there was nothing he could think of but how right it felt.
Relationships: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Series: 101 Ways to Deal with Feelings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1590487
Comments: 7
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the second story for the series but could be read alone! This is heavily inspired by the song Kiss The Boy by Keiynan Lonsdale. I really love this song, and I hope that it'll make you guys feel giddy listening to it!

Jisung was never the type to befriend people easily. He has always been a bit too shy and awkward to ever continue a conversation, let alone initiate one. Sure he had people he talked to and occasionally hung out with, but he never considered any of them his actual friends.

No one knew how Jisung loved to dance. They didn’t know how he would spend hours and hours on end in the NCT dance studio when he was particularly stressed out and needed a release. No one knew that when Jisung wasn’t dancing, he was either in school or at home, straining his eyes from playing too much video games. All they knew was that Jisung was quiet. Maybe funny, but usually quiet.

At the end of the day, no one knew who Jisung was, and no one has ever made the effort to. 

_ It’s fine _ , Jisung reassures himself time and time again. 

_ Friends are too much of a hassle anyways. Too much attention and too much gossip, _ he thinks to himself, blatantly lying to himself as a way to get rid of the empty ache in his chest. 

It was the first day of middle school. Everybody already had their own groups, each of them talking about a topic with whatever common denominator they have, but Jisung knows. He knows that none of them are above gossiping. They could be gossiping about classmates they find weird or who was dating who or -  _ They could be gossiping about me. _

In an attempt to stop his thoughts from going down a dark path, Jisung buried his head in his arms.  _ I wonder if Ten hyung will teach me his new choreography, _ Jisung thinks, effectively distracting himself from what if’s.

Just as he started devising plans of how to get Ten to give in, Jisung heard the door shut and the lively chatter of his classmates seemed to quiet down a bit. He looked up, curious as to who may have entered and was met with the sight of their homeroom teacher, followed by possibly the most beautiful boy he has ever seen.

“Okay, settle down class,” the teacher, a relatively old woman called Ms. Jo, announced. 

Once everyone was properly seated, the teacher began introductions, “This is our newest transfer student. He’s from China so everyone be nice. His name is Zhong Chenle.”

The Chinese boy slightly flinched at the pronunciation of his name, but nonetheless smiled. “Hello! My name is  _ Zhong Chenle _ ,” he emphasised, “I’m from China and still not very familiar with Korean. Please take care of me!”

Almost immediately, Jisung could feel the whispers start, but Chenle didn’t seem to mind. 

“Okay, Chenle,” Ms. Jo said, pronouncing Chenle’s name correctly this time, “Please take your seat beside Jeongin.”

Jisung didn’t know whether to bless or curse his luck. Jeongin was seated behind Jisung, which means...  _ Crap, he’s gonna have to pass by me. _

Jisung couldn’t help but hold his breath as the Chinese boy walked past him. There was just something so enchanting about the way he carried himself. Jisung found himself entranced by the other, like a sailor to the sea.

Realizing that staring at the new boy for too long was suspicious as all hell, Jisung focused his hearing on what was happening behind him instead. It seemed that as soon as Chenle sat down, he immediately struck a conversation with Jeongin. Despite some difficulty in communicating effectively on both parts (give Jeongin a break it was too early for talking), they seemed to get along quite well.

_ Wow, he’s really good at talking to people _ , Jisung mused,  _ I wish I was like that. _

Before the class could really start, Ms. Jo handed out papers to the students in front and explained, “We’ll be having an assessment for today. Since this is the start of middle school, I would like to be aware of your grade school knowledge.”

Some groans erupted around the class, but Jisung paid them no mind. He was expecting this after all. By the time the stack of papers got to Jisung, he was already mentally trying to conjure up whatever information was left in his head. Too caught up in his thoughts, Jisung instinctively turned around behind him to hand over the papers, and was met with Chenle’s gaze.   
  


_ Shit. _

Before Jisung could react, Chenle smiled at him and asked, “Are you ready for the test?”

“M-maybe,” Jisung managed to stutter out and quickly passed the papers to Jeongin’s awaiting hands. As quickly as he could, Jisung turned back to the questionnaire on his desk and willed himself to focus.

After re-reading the instructions for the third time, Jisung finally managed to calm down. The image of Chenle’s smile burned in Jisung’s head. Frankly, he didn’t know why he was acting like this, but the other just couldn’t leave his thoughts. There was just something so bright and warm about Chenle that Jisung couldn’t help but be drawn in. 

A cough from somewhere in the room broke him out of his thoughts. Shaking his head, Jisung dispelled any hopes of befriending Chenle.  _ Chenle was like the sea, full of life and mystery, while I’m just a sailor, too scared to explore. _

With that in mind, Jisung began bulldozing through the questionnaire. Well, “bulldozed” until the second question and then just kind of...trailed behind for the rest.  _ Who even cares about this? It’s not like it counts as part of our grades anyways. _

All too soon, Ms. Jo announced that class was done and that the questionnaires had to be passed up front. Jisung could only look at his paper in disdain.  _ I am  _ **_so_ ** _ failing this. _

_ Ugh, whatever. I’ll just study when I can _ , Jisung promised to himself fully aware that he will not actually follow through.

A tap on his shoulder brought him back from his pity party and he turned around, only to be faced by a stack of papers. Jisung grabbed them, placed his paper on top and proceeded to pass the pile to the person in front of him.

Still trying to recuperate whatever brain cells he had left, Jisung slumped further into his seat. Just as he closed his eyes, because he genuinely believes that closing his eyes would speed up the healing process, there was another tap on his shoulder.

Thinking nothing of it but a missed paper, Jisung turned around, and was met with Chenle’s curious gaze. His breath hitched.  _ He’s so close. _

It was only when he saw Chenle’s lips move (not that he was staring or anything) that Jisung realized that Chenle had said something.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Jisung asked, hoping not to come off as a snob.  _ But then again, most people probably think he is _ .

Chenle only grinned, finding the younger boy absolutely adorable, “I asked how you think you did on the test.”

“Ahh, I don’t think I did too well, but it’s okay. It’s not graded anyways,” Jisung sheepishly answered, embarrassed at his admission.

“That’s okay! I don’t think I did too well either. I mean, granted, the test was in Korean so it made the test move from hard to expert level you know?” Chenle immediately replied, showing no signs of judgement in his face.

“I swear Chenle, if you get a higher score than me on that one, I'm seriously gonna go crazy,” Jeongin chimed in, banging his head into the desk. 

Jisung winced at the impact whereas Chenle let out a laugh, “Well I’ve just met you and I’m willing to bet that I probably will get higher than you.”

Jeongin’s snapped up from his position and all but lunged at Chenle, “You brat! I’ll show you!”

As Chenle and Jeongin descended into banter, Jisung could only look on and smile in amusement.  _ This is nice. _

“Settle down!” a voice rang through the air, disturbing the bubble that surrounded Jisung and the two arguing kids. Almost immediately, Chenle and Jeongin stopped their banter. Jisung faced forward, not missing the way Chenle looked so happy and breathless.  _ Ethereal,  _ was the only word Jisung could think of.

Deciding that he’s had enough of thinking and being overwhelmed, Jisung focused on actually getting an education. He ignored the quips and the soft laughter that the two boys behind him emitted. He knew that if he looked back and saw the beautiful boy smile, Jisung would remain staring, completely entrenched in their own little world.

In a blink of an eye, it was lunch. Not really feeling like being overwhelmed by Chenle’s presence, Jisung stood up and started making his way to the rooftop. The rooftop was one of Jisung’s favourite places and he always stayed there when he didn’t particularly feel like being with other people.

_ Other people that don’t know who you are and will judge you if you fuck up,  _ his brain added,  _ No wonder Ten calls him a pessimist. _

-

“Aw, Jisung-ie left already,” Chenle pouted, staring at the empty desk.  _ Too bad _ , Chenle thinks,  _ I was hoping I could stare at his cute face during lunch _ .

Jeogin looked up from his bag where he was taking out his lunch and took a quick glance at Chenle’s gaze. “Ah yeah, don’t mind him. He sometimes leaves during lunch.”

“Where does he go to?” Chenle asked, tilting his head towards Jeongin.

Jeongin merely shrugged and answered, “No one really knows. We just let him be.”

“Aren’t you his friend?” Chenle pressed on, causing Jeongin to stop in his actions.

“Hmmm,” Jeongin mulled over a bit, “Maybe? I don’t know him very well but we talk enough for it not be awkward.”

“So who are his friends?” 

“I don’t know, honestly. He talks to everyone but I don’t think he’s friends with anyone,” Jeongin continued indulging Chenle as he fixated on opening his lunchbox. A small smile appeared in Jeongin’s face as he saw that it was his favourite dish - kalguksu.

“Huh,” was all Chenle managed as he digested the information given to him, his own lunchbox still untouched, “But weren’t you from the same grade school?”

“Yeah, we were,” Jeongin replied, picking up some noodles from his chopsticks, “I think that’s why he talks to us at all honestly. We’ve all known each other since we were kids so I think he’s comfortable enough with us at least.”

As Jeongin took a big bite of his noodles, Chenle was left to think.  _ Was Jisung shy? Is that the reason why he seemed aloof the whole time I was talking to him? Honestly that makes sense. Jisung didn’t seem mean, just a little bit awk- _

“Hey, do you plan on eating that?” Jeongin’s voice interrupted, spurring Chenle to protectively hold onto his gaifan.  _ Sicheng ge made the effort to ask his friend, Kun ge, to cook this thank you very much. _

“Go away! This is mine!” Chenle defended, causing Jeongin to hold his hands up in surrender. 

Choosing to confront Jisung after class, Chenle started conversing with Jeongin.  _ It’ll be fine. I’ll just talk to Jisung-ie later. _

-

A few hours later and Chenle groaned in relief. School was over and that meant the sweet sweet release of sleep. I mean, yeah there’s homework, but  **_sleep_ ** **.**

_ But before all that, _ Chenle thinks, eyeing the lanky boy in front of him. Jisung was packing up his belongings but there was a certain charm to his movements. When Chenle first saw Jisung, the latter was stiff and awkward. It was only when Jisung got less aware of his surroundings did he begin to loosen up.

_ He began to smile _ , Chenle thought fondly as he thought back to the boy’s amused expression.

_ Just watch, I’ll make him smile again. _

“Ya, Jisung!” Chenle called out, standing up, his backpack already on him.

Jisung turned around in mild shock. No one usually calls him after classes, so Jisung buried away the joyful swell in his heart and turned around, ready to say, “ _ No, I’m sorry I can’t help with the homework. Mr. Kim’s class is insanely hard and I’m not very good at Science so please don’t ask me.” _

With the line well-rehearsed in his mind, Jisung turned to face the voice that called out, only to be met with Chenle’s expectant face. Immediately the words he prepared faded and all that left his mouth was, “Chenle?”

Chenle grinned and bounded over to Jisung’s desk. “Wanna go to the ice cream parlor with me?”

“Uh, me?” Jisung replied dumbly, pointing at himself for confirmation.

And Chenle? Chenle giggled. Chenle honest to god just giggled and Jisung swore that Chenle was doing it on purpose. 

“Yes you, silly,” Chenle answered, still smiling, “Do you see anyone else here?”

It was only then did Jisung realize that they were in fact, alone in the classroom.  _ Lord Taemin please help me in my time of need. _

Deciding that he hasn’t answered for too long now, Jisung said, “Uh, haha, yes. Of course.” 

Jisung inwardly winced at how painfully awkward he sounded, but what was he to do? Act like a normal human being? He would like to, but he is very well aware of how incapable he is of it.

“So? Are you coming along with me or will I be eating ice cream alone like a loser?” Chenle once again brought up, hoping that the answer would be positive.

“Uh, sure, why not,” Jisung answered hesitantly, not wanting to be the reason for Chenle’s loneliness.  _ I’m sure I can skip a day in the studio. Ten hyung wouldn’t miss me anyways.  _

“Nice! Let’s go!” was all Jisung got as a warning before Chenle was dragging him away to whatever ice cream parlor was there. Honestly, Jisung didn’t know any ice cream parlors nearby but then again he never really went out unless necessary. One time Jisung ran out of toothpaste so he went out to find a convenience store and only then found out that there was one a few minutes away from their apartment complex.

By the time they got to the store, Chenle and Jisung were panting for air.

“Who told you it was a good idea to run all the way here?” Jisung struggled to say. He may have danced a lot but his lung capacity wasn’t at all impressive. Chenle on the other hand was faring much worse.

“Shut up,” Chenle replied desperately trying to gain back his breathing. They were both standing in the entrance of the shop taking their sweet sweet time to calm themselves down. Naturally, someone noticed took notice of them. 

“Hey you two! If you’re not gonna come in then leave! You’re letting the hot air in!”

Startled by the voice, the two boys jumped from their exhausted state and stared at the person behind the counter. It seems like they were staring for too long because not soon after, the boy grumbled, “Damn kids. Don’t know how to listen.”

That seemed to snap the two boys back to reality. Chenle let out a laugh as Jisung flushed and pushed Chenle inside, the door closing automatically behind them.

“Sorry about that Sicheng ge!” Chenle cheerfully greeted, happily making his way across the store. It wasn’t that big of a place, so Chenle arrived there in no time. The moment Chenle got to ‘Sicheng’, Jisung assumes that’s the name, he immediately started conversing in hushed whispers - impressive to Jisung since even after a day of knowing him, Chenle found it hard to keep quiet.

Having nothing else to do, Jisung observed his surroundings. The store wasn’t bad per se, just a bit, well, tacky. It had black and white checkered tiles and baby pink walls. The tables and chairs all ranged from various types of pastel colours, reminding Jisung vaguely of a low budget 80’s movie. As a joke, he began looking around for a red jukebox (you know, like in the movies) but was just met with framed portraits of...cats?  _ Huh, this is a weird place _ .

“Jisung-ah! Are you just gonna stand there?”

Jisung’s eyes flitted back to the boy he was with. Chenle and ‘Sicheng’ were staring at him and instinctively, Jisung ducked away, keeping his gaze firmly on the floor. 

“S-Shut up, i’m going there,” Jisung stuttered, his senses overriding his fear as he looked up and made his way towards the two.  _ Nice one, Jisung. High five! _

“你说得对，他很可爱” Jisung heard ‘Sicheng’ say, causing Chenle to blush. (Translation: “You’re right, he is cute.”)

“Sorry? What did you say?” Jisung asked, curious at what caused the red in Chenle’s cheeks and the knowing grin in ‘Sicheng’s’ face.

“Nothing! Don’t mind him! He was speaking in Chinese is all,” Chenle hurriedly explained, waving his arm around to dispel whatever was said.

“This is Sicheng ge by the way! His parents and mine are good friends so when Sicheng ge decided to come here I went with him!” Chenle continued on, giving Sicheng no opportunity to say anything else.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Sicheng if it wasn’t clear enough. I go to the same school as you guys but I’m already a senior, and before you ask, Chenle and I live with an uncle here,” Sicheng introduced himself, extending a hand and soft smile to Jisung.

“Nice to meet you. I’m, uh, Jisung. I’m in the same grade as Chenle,” Jisung managed to say, shaking the older man’s hand.

“So, will you guys order anything or will you both stay here and bother me?” Sicheng asked, pulling away a bit to look at the two boys properly. He wasn’t surprised to see Chenle here with a friend at all. If anything, Sicheng was expecting it. Chenle has always been a friendly person, language be damned. What surprised him though was what kind of friend Chenle brought.

“I’ll have cookies and cream!” Chenle answered, turning to Jisung, “What about you?”

“M-Matcha please.”

“Alright, that will be 3,500 won,” Sicheng said, ringing up the two items.

“Ge, you won’t even give me a discount?” Chenle whined, flopping his head into the counter, completely unaware of Jisung pulling out his own wallet.

Without batting an eye, Sichenge hissed, “I’ve only been in this job for a week, Chenle. I don’t want to get fired.”

“But ge!” Chenle continued to whine as Jisung pulled out the exact amount and offered it to Sicheng.  _ This guy,  _ Sicheng thinks, _ really is different from Chenle’s other friends _ .

Not bothering to address Chenle’s disdain, Sicheng finished the transaction and started scooping the ice cream that they ordered. Upon hearing the commotion, Chenle looked up slowly and asked, “Ge, are you actually giving it to us for free?”

Sicheng could only roll his eyes as he finished the orders and walked towards them. “No, you idiot. It’s already been paid.”

“What? I haven’t paid yet,” Chenle retorted in confusion.

“Yeah no shit. Jisung paid,” Sicheng said, placing the ice cream on the counter and motioned for Jisung to take it.

“Jisung-ie? You paid for both of us?” Chenle asked with no trace of laughter or tease, turning to Jisung who was holding both their ice creams. 

“Yeah, I did. It’s no big deal,” Jisung answered, uncomfortable with the sudden seriousness in Chenle’s voice, “Come on, let’s take a seat.”

Jisung walked towards an empty table, settling down a bit too quickly. Once he was sure that none of his possessions were broken or out of place, Jisung stared at Chenle expectantly, “Dude, your ice cream.”

That seemed to snap Chenle out of his stupor, “Aww Jisung-ie paid for me!”

Chenle happily bounced over Jisung and occupied the seat in front of him and exclaimed, “Don’t worry! I will pay you back! How about we go to the pizza place nearby, yeah?” 

“No, you don’t have to! I don’t mind!”

Thus, the two middle schoolers began bickering with each other. Sicheng could only stare at them with fondness. Jisung may not have thought it was a big deal but to people like him and Chenle, it was. Growing up relatively wealthy, Chenle and Sicheng were always wanted by their peers. Whereas Chenle embraced it and loved talking to people, Sicheng preferred staying by himself.

One too many times, Chenle has come to Sicheng crying since another one of his ‘friends’ turned out to be backstabbing the younger. Despite Sicheng’s warnings, Chenle still continued to put himself out there. He still had hope that people would be true to him just as how true he was to them.

Chenle deserved so much more than what he was given. Sicheng knew that and tried to do his best for the boy, but there’s only so much he could do. They weren’t the same age nor in the same grade, so their time together was limited to weekends and after school hangouts. 

Sicheng had always considered Chenle his little brother and will always worry about him (even though he was a pain in the ass at times). That’s just how it was. Jisung though, Sicheng thinks, he won’t have to worry about Jisung being a fake friend.


	2. Chapter 2

Ever since then, Chenle managed to permeate himself into Jisung’ life. It started out small. They had lunch together, whether it be in the rooftop or the classroom, and would sometimes hang out after school. People talked, of course. The quiet and lonesome Jisung finally suddenly befriends Chenle, one of the most friendly people in their class. It bothered Jisung a lot, but before he could lose himself in thought, Chenle would smile at him, easing his conscience. 

With Chenle there, it didn’t seem to matter if there were people talking about them. Jisung was aware that it wasn’t reasonable for him to feel this way for a friend, but he wasn’t ready to deal with. He was afraid that if he thought about it, he wasn’t going to be who his parents expected him to be, who society expects him to be - who he so  _ desperately _ wants to be.

That’s why in the past ten months that they’ve known each other, there was one thing though that he was still hesitant to share with.

“Jisung-ie, are you going to the dance studio again?” 

Jisung looked up from his desk and saw Chenle staring at him with curious eyes. A quick look around their classroom tells Jisung that Chenle had waited until everyone was gone to ask the question. 

“Yes, Lele,” he answered, using the nickname that Chenle demanded him to use. Jisung wasn’t the type to use cute nicknames, but it just seemed fitting to him.

“Can I go with you?” Chenle asked. No matter how many times Jisung refused, it didn’t stop Chenle from trying.  _ He really is a stubborn son of a gun _ .

“Maybe next time,” Jisung answers automatically. At this point it was like a script. This exact same conversation repeats itself over and over again. Ever since Chenle found out a couple months ago about Jisung’s hobby, they would always have the same conversation with the same results. Today though, Chenle didn’t stick to the expected response.

“Will there ever be a next time?”

It took a second for Jisung to process what Chenle said. After fully understanding the question, Jisung turned to Chenle with widened eyes. “Yes, of course.”

Chenle smiled ruefully and shifted his gaze to the window, “It doesn’t seem like it.” 

“I know that I’ve basically forced you to be my friend and I really wanted to wait for you, but, am I reading it wrong? Do you actually not consider me a friend?” Chenle asked, his voice softening yet his gaze remaining firmly to the window.

“Chenle, I,” Jisung started, but didn’t know how to continue. Words seemed to escape Jisung as he could only look at Chenle’s side profile. Chenle wasn’t looking at him so it was hard to decipher what emotion the other was feeling, but based on the clenched fists, Jisung could only guess it wasn’t good.

There was tension in the air, but no matter how much Jisung racked his brain for a solution, he didn’t know what to do. For better or for worse, Chenle was the one to break the silence.

Chenle turned to Jisung and gave him a smile - the same bright smile he always wears - before saying, “Ah, sorry about that! Sometimes I get too into my feelings and impulsively act upon it, hehe.”

Jisung blinked in confusion. It looked as if Chenle has thought a lot about this so why was he acting like he was okay? 

It seemed that Chenle took advantage of Jisung’s confused state because before Jisung could do anything, Chenle was by the door, his backpack on, and waved, “Don’t worry about anything, Jisung-ie! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Jisung could only blankly stare at the spot where Chenle was. Chenle was clearly not fine and it because of Jisung. The thought of being the reason for Chenle’s sadness and doubts did not sit well with Jisung.  _ He doesn’t think that I consider him a friend? Because I refuse to bring him to the dance studio?  _

Mentally groaning at the onslaught of questions, Jisung slammed a hand to his forehead.  _ This is too hard. _

-

The moment Jisung got in the dance studio, he made a beeline straight to the room farthest from the doorway (despite Ten’s complaints, the room is always reserved for him). He didn’t even bother to say hi to the receptionist or to Ten on the way there because right now, he needs to dance. 

Once he entered the room, Jisung haphazardly threw his backpack to a corner and quickly attached his phone to the aux, his dance playlist ready to go. Only when the music started, Jisung allowed himself to get lost in the sound and focus solely on his movements.

It tookTen bursting into the room for Jisung to be brought back to reality. “Yah, Park Jisung, it’s almost closing time!”

“What? Closing time?” Jisung asked, gasping for air.  _ There’s no way I’ve been here that long. _

“Yeah, you idiot. It’s already 10:13pm,” Ten answered, turning off the speakers as if to verbally say that there was no room for argument. The room was suddenly doused in silence, save for Jisung’s attempt at regulating his lungs.

Instead of answering, Jisung plopped himself to the floor. He could still feel his heart pounding. His sweat is probably causing some sort of gross kind of puddle on the floor but Jisung couldn’t find it in himself to care. Usually dancing brought him relief and happiness, a chance to breathe again if you will, but today he just felt empty. 

Something cold touched his hand, startling Jisung to a sitting position. “What the fuck?”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, swearing already? Very unmannerly of you, Sungie.”

Before Jisung could retort, a bottle of cold water came flying to him and out of instinct, his hands scrambled to catch it. The throw was a bit weak so it landed lamely on his lap, the condensation from the bottle seeping into his sweatpants and eventually mingling with the sweat underneath.

“Hyung! If you’re gonna throw that, at least throw properly!”

Ten only rolled his eyes and sassily replied, “I can throw it straight to your face if you prefer.” 

“Can you even do that?” Jisung cheekily asked, enjoying the way the other’s face twisted to annoyance.

Ten moved beside Jisung and pinched his cheek, “You brat! I use my employee privileges for you and this is what I get?”

After some good few cheek pinching, Ten backed down and grumbled, “Just drink your water, dumbass.”

Rubbing his cheek, Jisung mentally lamented over how red his cheek would be and would probably remain so until tomorrow. As soon as he accepted the fact, Jisung decided to take Ten’s advice and actually drink some water. All too soon, the water was finished and Jisung was left feeling a bit better.  _ Dang, I didn’t even know I was thirsty. _

“So what’s got you stressed?” Ten asked, staring directly at Jisung’s face, not even flinching when Jisung looked back with shock.

“Huh?”

“You only stay this late if you’re stressed and,” Ten starts, resting a finger upon his head as a sort of thinking pose and continued with, “if I remember correctly, your exams are done and summer break is almost near.”

“So what’s got you so stressed?” Ten reiterated, tilting his head in genuine curiosity.

“I- uh, just some personal stuff,” Jisung stuttered out, weirdly touched that Ten recognized his tendencies and even knew about his usual causes of stress.  _ He really does care for me, huh. _

“Alright, if you don’t wanna tell me that’s fine, but just so you know, I may not look it but I’m actually quite good at these things,” Ten says, exaggeratedly pointing to himself in what seems to be a “heroic stance”.

Jisung giggled at Ten’s antics causing a small smile to grace Ten’s face. 

“Oh yeah, hyung? How can I trust you?” Jisung asked, smiling cheekily with no malice in his tone.

Dramatically clutching his chest, Ten “wailed” out, “Oh! You wound me!”

“But I’ll have you know, my friends told me!” Ten huffed out, crossing his arms to prove his fake hurt.

“You have friends?” Jisung continued, eyes widening to accentuate his surprise. Ten playfully pushed Jisung’s shoulder and muttered out, “Of course I do! If I’m not in college or here, I’d be with my friends you know.”

Jisung could only laugh at how childish Ten was acting, making Ten to laugh as well. After a few moments, the laughter died down and a comfortable silence settled around them. 

Maybe it was because of how unexpectedly caring Ten was or maybe because Jisung wanted to find an answer but Jisung decided to take Ten up on his offer. “Hyung, what do you do when a friend is potentially mad at you?”

Ten blinked for a bit before carefully saying, “Well, I think the first step is to find out why they’re mad at you. From then, you can move forward.”

Ten patiently waited for Jisung to think for a while before Jisung spoke up, “I-I’m not really sure, but he did ask me if I considered him a friend.”

“Hmm,” Ten hummed, eyeing Jisung attentively before deciding to continue, “What caused him to say that?”

“I refuse to bring him here,” Jisung answered simply. Now that it was out there, it sounded like a ridiculous reason but it didn’t feel like it to Jisung. It felt so much bigger and yet that was all he could say.

Ten raised an eyebrow at Jisung’s statement. He certainly wasn’t expecting that answer. He needed more context of the situation before he could say something that might help, so he prodded on, “How important do you think it is for you to bring him here?”

Jisung, for the first time during this conversation, looked at Ten and shrugged before word vomiting, “I don’t know, maybe a lot? I don’t really talk much and open up to people and Chenle basically stuck to me ever since he got here. I don’t mind really. Not at all! He’s my first friend and it’s fun having a friend.”

Jisung sighed, his shoulders sagging from tension and defeatedly admitted, “So I think he’s mad because he feels like our friendship is one-sided.”

Ten nodded in understanding before jumping a bit in surprise at Jisung groaning and burying his head in his hands. “Hyuuuung, what do I do? I’ve never had a friend before and I don’t want to lose him.

Softening at Jisung’s statement, Ten rubbed comforting circles on the younger’s back. It took awhile for Jisung to calm himself down and looked at Ten’s face with some sense of resignation. “Please help me figure out what to do.”

“Every relationship is reciprocal. If one side feels like it’s exerting more effort than the other, then it could damage whatever relationship they have. This Chenle guy seems to feel that way and is probably tired of, maybe in his perspective, keeping your friendship alive,” Ten said, seeing how Jisung flinched at the truth that he didn’t want to hear. 

“But,” Ten continued, “if you are uncomfortable with opening up, then talk to him about it. Make him know that you consider him a friend but still have trouble with allowing people into your space. Let him know that the friendship is not one sided.”

Jisung allowed Ten’s words to sink in, but after a few minutes, he realized he had to say something. “Wow, you  _ are _ good at these things.”

Ten barked out in laughter. “Seriously? - HAHA - I’m out here spewing words of wisdom and you choose to deflect like that?”

Jisung flushed at Ten’s call out and stuttered, “W-Well how was I supposed to respond then?” 

Ten’s boisterous laughter diminished to a fond chuckle as he playfully ruffled Jisung’s head. “It’s alright, baby chick. I understand you.”

After deeming that Jisung’s hair was messed up enough, Ten let his hand down and took a quick glance at the room’s only clock. “Well, it’s 11pm now. You better get back home.”

Jisung could only nod in response as he focused more on fixing his hair, unaware that Ten has already stood up and was looking at him expectantly. 

“Come on, baby chick. I’ll drop you off,” Ten said, extending his hand towards Jisung, a gesture which the latter gratefully accepted. After everything has been cleaned up and settled, Jisung quietly followed Ten outside to the receptionist.

“We’re leaving now, Yuta hyung! Don’t forget to lock up and take care of going home!” Ten called out to the tired looking boy.

“Yeah, yeah. You guys take care too,” Yuta replied, mustering as much cheer as he could despite his tired state.  _ The life of a working college student must be hard _ , Jisung thought when he caught a glimpse of the dark circles under the boy’s eyes as they passed by and got in the elevator.

_ But then,  _ Jisung continues as he stares at bright man beside him,  _ how does Ten hyung do it? _

As if sensing someone staring, Ten looked back at Jisung and smiled, “Don’t worry, I already texted your parents that I’ll bring you home safe and sound. Can’t say anything about being scolded though.”

Jisung could only laugh, the sound echoing throughout the enclosed area, “That wasn’t on my mind hyung, but thanks for the heads up.”

It was obvious that Ten wanted to prod more, but the sound of the elevator reaching the basement parking cut him off. Soundlessly the two of them got out of the elevator and made their way to one of the handful of cars left at that hour.

The inside of the car was a familiar sight to Jisung. He has spent more car rides with Ten than he would like to admit. Ever since Jisung found the dance studio, Ten somehow became an unofficial older brother. At first, Jisung was annoyed and even frustrated at the attention Ten gave him but after some time, he grew to not only accepting it, but also reciprocating it.

Overcome with sentimality and gratefulness, Jisung reached out to grab Ten’s wrist before they could leave. Ten responds with a raised eyebrow silently questioning Jisung’s actions. Jisung tried his hardest to keep himself from flushing and quickly trudged on before he lost confidence. 

“Thank you, hyung,” Jisung said, daring himself to look at Ten right in the eye in hopes of conveying his genuine emotions, “Really. Thank you for everything.”

The smile that Ten gave him was unlike any Jisung has seen before. It wasn’t teasing or comforting, it was, if Jisung had to put a word for it, beautiful. It was at that moment Ten shined. Jisung has never seen Ten as beautiful as he was now and weirdly enough, Jisung’s heart rate picked up. Almost immediately, Jisung let go and turned away in hopes of hiding whatever feeling he had completely unaware that his ears have turned red rendering his efforts futile. 

“I love you, Sungie,” Ten said sincerely. Ten always knew that Jisung had a problem with affection, especially towards those who are of the same gender as him. From the little he knew about Jisung’s parents he could tell that, though they were nice enough to give Jisung the freedom to choose and were open to new ideas, they still held some conservative values. 

Torn between expressing the same sentiment and being uncomfortable with emotions, Jisung replied with, “Ditto.”

Ten only smiled before leaving Jisung to his own thoughts and focused on reversing out of their parked state. The whole car ride was quiet, save for the music playing from Ten’s playlist and the occasional humming. Once they reached the apartment complex, Jisung turned to Ten and bid him goodnight and safe travel.

Before Jisung could shut the door, Ten called out to him. “Yes, hyung?”

“Be brave, Sungie. Do what you know is right.”

Not knowing what to say, Jisung merely nodded and shut the door. He stood in his spot, making sure that Ten left safely before walking towards the building to their unit. 

_ Be brave, huh?  _

-

The next day came all too quickly for Jisung. He had barely gotten any sleep from thinking too much and continuously reassured himself that  _ no, he wasn’t going to school early because he needed to prepare himself, he just so happened to have time and had nothing better to do. _

After dropping off his bag in his chair, Jisung decided it would be a good idea to walk around the campus to get some air in his lungs (and hopefully his brain for better thinking). Once Jisung has gotten out of the building and started actually roaming the school grounds, the tension that he unknowingly carried disappeared. 

It was surprisingly nice being out this early. The sun felt warm on his skin and the sound of trees whooshing along the breeze was calming.  _ I should do this more often. That is, if I wake up this early ever again. _

Their school wasn’t that big. You could round the whole school in 15 minutes if you’re really taking your time.  _ 2 minutes if you’re really running late _ , Jisung adds proudly, recounting how many times he has barely made it to class. After one round of walking, Jisung decided to settle under a nice shady tree. It has been a while since he has been one with nature.

_ This is very comfortable _ , was Jisung’s last thought before he succumbed to sleep. Jisung didn’t mean to, not at all. He planned on getting back a bit earlier than the first period, talk to Chenle alone and continue with the friendship thing. But as one can tell, things didn’t go as planned.

“What? What?” Jisung woke up in panic. 

“I’ve been yelling right next to you for the past five minutes.”

As if sensing some sort of ominous presence, Jisung slowly looked up to the person standing beside him.

“S-Sir Choi!” Jisung stuttered out, frightened at seeing their homeroom teacher near him.

“Jisung-ah, what are you doing out here?” Sir Choi asked, disregarding the shocked and slightly scared expression in the student’s face.

“I-I accidentally fell asleep here. I’ll go to class now!” Jisung said, scrambling to his feet. He quickly bowed and turned to leave.  _ God, please kill me now. _

“Wait, Jisung.”  _ Fuck. _

“Yes, sir?” Jisung meekly asked, looking back to his teacher hesitantly.

“Talk to Chenle, okay?” 

Jisung blinked a couple of times.  _ Was I hearing that right?  _ “What?”

“Chenle. Isn’t he your friend? Anyways, he was worried when you didn’t show up but your things were there.” 

“Y-Yes, sir!” Jisung replied, bowing once again before slightly jogging back to their classroom. He was suddenly filled with hope because  _ oh my god, Chenle was worried about me. He still considers me a friend!  _

Ten’s statement echoed in Jisung’s head.  _ Every relationship is reciprocal. Yeah. Okay. I’ll do that. _

When Jisung got to the classroom, everyone was staring at him. After being berated by the teacher and being issued after school clean up for a week, everything seemed fine. Everyone seemed to accept Jisung’s excuse of falling asleep somewhere in school, causing Jisung to mentally sigh in relief.  _ Thank god. _

Once Jisung settled in his seat, almost immediately he heard a whisper, “Are you okay?”

Without even looking back, Jisung knew it was Chenle who asked. A quick glance at the teacher allowed Jisung to look back at Chenle and say, “Rooftop later.”

Jisung didn’t know what Chenle replied but he somehow knew that Chenle has said yes.  _ A friendship is reciprocal. If I want to talk to him, he will listen right? _

-

“So, Jisung-ie, what happened to you?” 

_ I realize what’s bothering you and I’m trying to make things right but I kinda fucked up and fell asleep instead _ .

“Couldn’t get much sleep last night,” Jisung answered, ignoring his internal thoughts.

“I can see that. You look like shit,” Chenle pointed out. He was worried, of course, but he didn’t know how to talk to Jisung about it. It didn’t hurt to try though.

“So why couldn’t you sleep last night?”

Jisung thought for a bit as to what to say but in the end just blurted out, “You were mad at me.” 

Judging by the guilty and pained expression in Chenle’s face, it was  _ clearly  _ not the correct thing to say.  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck, why do I even think? _

Before Jisung could retract his words and spout reassuring, well at least he deems reassuring, statements, Chenle answered, “I wasn’t mad.”

The quiet tone in Chenle’s voice and his stiff posture shook Jisung to his core. This was a side Jisung never saw from Chenle and it lowkey terrified him. Chenle looked so insecure and alone, kind of like...kind of like how he was. Instinctively, Jisung reached out.

“If that’s what you’re worried about, then it’s fine!” Chenle quickly bounced back, effectively stopping Jisung from his actions.

“Let’s stop this sad stuff, okay? Let’s eat!” Chenle exclaimed, smiling widely. It was the same smile that Chenle used yesterday but this time, Jisung saw it. He saw the emptiness hidden behind the facade.

“Chenle.” 

Chenle stopped, surprised by the defiance in Jisung’s tone. “Yeah?”

“Someone told me that I have to talk to you,” Jisung started.  _ Nice, good job. A simple introduction to the problem. You’re nailing this, Jisung! _

“You already are, silly,” Chenle softly replied, trying to lighten the mood. 

“You know what I mean.”

Chenle sighed and closed his eyes. It was a moment of weakness that Chenle regretted and Jisung didn’t seem to be letting go of the matter any time soon. “What do you want me to say Jisung?”

“I don’t know, maybe how you actually feel?” Jisung asked, equally unsure about how to proceed.

“Jisung,” Chenle sighed exasperated. Jisung could see that Chenle was still hesitant about talking things out so before the latter could retort, Jisung decided to go first.  _ Maybe that will prompt him to speak _ .

“I want you to go with me to the dance studio!” Jisung accidentally exclaimed, shocking both himself and Chenle.

Sucking up his pride, Jisung looked at Chenle and continued with a softer tone, “I-I would love it if you go the dance studio with me but I’m scared okay? I’ve never had a friend before and here you are being my first ever friend. My whole life is usually in school and in the dance studio, and you’ve already basically overtaken half of it.”

“I,” Jisung paused, his gaze dropping down to his feet, “I’m scared that once you go with me to the dance studio, you will be in every part of my life and I wouldn’t know how to go back to being alone.”

Chenle’s facial expression shifted to one of understanding. “It’s okay, Jisung. You don’t have to do that for me.”

“But I want to,” Jisung muttered without missing a beat. After a few moments, he decided to be brave and look at Chenle. “I want you to be in my life. You are my friend. I just..I just need some time.”

Chenle let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and stumbled a bit. Jisung instinctively held unto Chenle’s arm to help in regaining balance. “A-Are you okay?”

Chenle softly giggled, the sound of it being a lot closer than Jisung thought. Flustered at the sudden proximity, Jisung froze. Chenle on the other hand was too overwhelmed and didn’t seem to mind, instead allowing his body to relax unto Jisung’s.

“I thought,” Chenle whispered, the sensation causing goosebumps to run along Jisung’s arms, “I thought I forced you to being my friend and you never even liked me.”

Jisung wanted to pull away to stare at Chenle’s face, but the pliance in Chenle’s stature told him otherwise. Instead, Jisung carefully placed his hands on the side of Chenle’s head and slowly guided him to look at each other. 

“I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I’ll do better as a friend, okay?” Jisung said, unwavering in his determination. 

Jisung wasn’t gonna lie, last night when he imagined about confronting the other, it was going to be either good or bad. Chenle would either laugh and hug him, all the while calling him in being an idiot, or Chenle would get mad and punch Jisung, while calling him names.

What he didn’t expect however was the tears that escaped Chenle’s eyes.

“L-Lele? You’re crying, oh my god. I’m sorry, I-” Jisung began apologizing, his hands gone from Chenle’s face and already moving around - a habit he developed when he’s anxiously trying to talk.

Chenle cut him off by grabbing Jisung’s frantic hands and laughed, “Don’t be. I’m just really happy right now.”

“Happy? You’re crying!” Jisung exclaimed, looking at Chenle like he was crazy as the latter wiped any stray tears.

Chenle laughed harder, his body leaning forward as he does so. Jisung looked at him in genuine concern.  _ This isn’t normal. Nobody cries and then laughs in a span of one second. _

Just as Jisung was about to give up and strangle Chenle to normalcy, the laughter died down. Not long after, Chenle stood up straight, remnants of laughter still etched into his face. “I really am happy, Jisung.”

The sudden change in Chenle’s mood surprised Jisung and left him speechless.  _ Humans are weird. I’ll truly never understand them. _

Chenle turned his head and caught Jisung’s gaze - Jisung only then realizing that he has been staring at Chenle for too long. There was a beat of silence, the two of them just stared at each other. If it was anyone else Jisung would’ve been uncomfortable and immediately turned away, but it was Chenle.

There was something about Chenle that enamored Jisung. He believed that he could just stare at Chenle’s face and would not get bored.  _ This is fine. This is normal. Friends stare at each other all the time, no big deal. _

“Thank you,” Chenle sofly said, cautiously trying not to break the comfortable aura that surrounded them. 

“It’s nothing,” Jisung replied, “Come on, let’s eat.” 

Chenle nodded and sat down with Jisung. They both began unpacking their lunchboxes quietly, enjoying the warm atmosphere. The sun was blocked by some clouds, allowing the two to bask in the almost summer breeze. 

Jisung felt content. He felt as if with Chenle beside him again, everything is fine again. It was ironic really. Sometimes Chenle was hard to be around and would make Jisung deal with unfamiliar feelings, but sometimes Chenle was the only thing that could calm him down. It was strange, but Jisung couldn’t find it in him to care. All he knew was that he liked having Chenle around and that was all he needed.

“Oh Jisung-ie? I forgot to say,” Chenle said, catching Jisung’s attention. 

“Yeah?”

“I want you in my life too.”

And then there it was. The once peaceful sea that they were sailing on was erupted by a storm and before Jisung knew it, he was drowning. He didn’t know whether or not to succumb to it or continue fighting against it. Before Jisung could even choose, the storm grew more. Chenle smiled.

Chenle smiled the way Ten smiled at him the night before. It was the same and yet, so much more. Chenle was so much more, and without realizing it, Jisung has already begun to succumb to the sea.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love donghyuck and im very soft for him

Now, five years later, he was in his last year of high school. His friendship with Chenle is stronger than ever before, even after they began making more friends. The people that Jisung used to avoid suddenly became people that he began looking forward to, and though he had friends within their grade, he finds that Jeno, Jaemin, Donghyuck and even Renjun, who were in a grade above, became his favourite group of friends.

With the addition of people in his life, Jisung became more exposed to different perspectives and experiences. He sees Renjun’s closed off demeanor and the overflowing love and support from others, and realizes how beautiful friendship is. He witnessed how Renjun became one of the most loyal and caring friend Jisung has ever had once Renjun allowed him in his little circle.

He sees Donghyuck’s proud and borderline offensive personality, and realizes that it was an act to hide his soft and vulnerable side. He saw how the fiery and loud persona turned into a quiet and insecure boy after accidentally mistaking soju for water. That day, Jisung, along with the rest of the group silently promised to each other to protect the boy at all costs. Because, as Ten once said, friendship is reciprocal. Donghyuck protected them from insults that were thrown their way, so it was their turn to do the same.

He sees Jeno and Jaemin’s longing gaze and realizes that the two had a relationship that was different from the rest. He hears Jaemin’s whines about his love for Jeno, and sees the shift in Jeno’s eyes when the other’s touches linger too long on him. It was Jaemin’s complaints that had made Jisung realize that the feeling Jaemin was talking about was the same feeling he had when he looked at Chenle.

It was a long time coming, and despite Ten’s constant teasing whenever him and Chenle visited, but Jisung still found himself reeling from the information.

When Jisung realized that he  _ may  _ harbour certain feelings for his best friend, he was, in the nicest terms, freaked the fuck out. He never entertained the idea of liking someone but he somehow always assumed that he was going to be with a girl.  _ Because that’s what I was supposed to do right? _

He was sure that his dilemma was a well-kept secret between him and the stars but the bags under his eyes and the increased awkwardness in his movements, told his friends otherwise. It must’ve been pretty bad if even Donghyuck, one of the densest boys in the world, commented on it. Thankfully, his friends seemed to buy his excuse of academic stress and dance exertion fairly well. But of course, Chenle saw right through it.

“Jisung-ie, what’s going on?”

Jisung sighed. There was no use getting through Chenle - the determination in his gaze affirmed it. 

“I’m just... I’m realizing things about myself and I don’t know what to do about it,” Jisung answers vaguely.

A warm hand was placed atop of his own.  _ Well there goes my heart. _

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jisung shook his head slowly, hoping that his answer wouldn’t offend Chenle. The latter simply hummed in response.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. Whatever you decide to do, I- _ We’ _ ’ll support you no matter what.”

“I know, thank you,” Jisung replied, opting to disregard Chenle’s stutter in hopes of keeping his wishful thinking at bay. 

“Come on. I texted Renjun ge to tell the others that we won’t make it for ice cream this time.”

“What, why?” Jisung whined. He liked getting together with the rest of the gang as much as possible since they were already in college and have limited time together.

Chenle gave Jisung a harmless glare and reprimanded, “No,  _ we’re _ going to  _ your  _ place to  _ sleep _ . Remember that? Sleep?”

Jisung rolled his eyes but nonetheless allowed Chenle to pull him out of his seat. Once they arrived at his place, Jisung finds himself immediately dragged to his own room by the smaller. All resistance died on Jisung’s lips as he belatedly realizes how tired he actually was. 

Clumsily, the two boys fell into Jisung’s bed, their backpacks abandoned on the floor.

“We’re still in our uniform, dummy,” Jisung whispers, hoping he could ignore how close Chenle was and how intimate the setting felt. They were staring at each other for a bit too long, both too caught up in their own little world.

“I know, but I don’t have the energy nor the clothes to change,” Chenle answers, his voice quiet, “Unless...you want to see me naked?”

Chenle wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, his action causing the two boys to descend into laughter. Once the laughter died down, they went back to staring at each other. It was only when Chenle wrapped a hand on Jisung’s waist and entangled their legs together did Jisung break away from his gaze.

Before Jisung could say anything though, Chenle closed his eyes and said with finality in his tone, “Let’s go to sleep.”

If Jisung spent too long staring at Chenle’s sleeping face and calming his heart down, no one needed to know. And if that was the best sleep Jisung has gotten for as long as he can remember, no one needed to know how long he spent in engraving the feeling into his memory.

  
  
  


After that day, Jisung decided that he needed help. Ten, his confidant, was working in corporate and was very busy so he didn’t want to burden the elder. But he needed someone to talk to. There was only so much he could handle by himself. Luckily, there was one person he was comfortable in confiding these feelings with, and though the chances of being teased would be high, Jisung was willing to deal with it.

“So, Jisung-ah, why did you decide to hang out with me alone?”

Of course, Jisung expected this. He never hung out with anyone alone other than Chenle, maybe Jaemin, but certainly not Donghyuck. They were sitting on a bench along the Han River, the sound of flowing water and distant chatter filling in for Jisung’s lack of response.

“Well? Are you gonna ask me anything?” Donghyuck prodded again.

“Hyung,” Jisung spoke, his voice coming out more vulnerable than he had intended. Donghyuck seemed to pick up on this since he remained silent and waited for Jisung to continue.

“H-How did you know you liked boys?” Jisung stuttered out. 

Donghyuck stared at Jisung for a bit before humming in contemplation. “Well, I can’t really say. If I had to give an answer, I guess it would be that boys made me feel something? It felt different whenever I was with a boy than when I was with a girl.”

“That feeling,” Jisung muttered, catching Donghyuck’s attention, “Is it contradictory?”

“What do you mean?”

Jisung met his gaze and asked, “Like, when you’re with that person, it could be so comfortable and peaceful but at the same time butterflies rage in your stomach and you breathe like you’ve just ran a marathon.”

Donghyuck’s small smile caught Jisung off guard. “I think that’s love.”

“L-Love?” Jisung exclaimed, trying not mentally freak out at the thought of being caught.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck affirmed, “You love Chenle don’t you?”

Jisung froze, denial already in the tip of his tongue, but Donghyuck beat him to it.

“It’s okay, Jisung. I won’t judge you,” Donghyuck softly reassured, rubbing comforting circle on Jisung’s back. Jisung’s erratic heartbeat calming down a bit at the gesture.

“I-I know, hyung. That’s why I wanted to talk to you,” Jisung admitted.

“Yeah?” Donghyuck asked, allowing Jisung a distraction in hopes of calming him down. It seemed to work because Jisung managed to answer without stuttering.

“I figured that out of everyone, you would be the best person to talk to about this. You’re very vocal about being part of the lgbtq+ community in the school paper and have even brought up things with the student council, right?”

Donghyuck chuckled quietly, his heart expanding with fondness at the sweetness of the younger, “Yeah, but I started doing all of those in college only.”

“Yeah! And you’re still a first year so that’s really amazing, hyung!” Jisung retaliated, his eyes shining with admiration.

“Thanks, Jisung-ie,” Donghyuck conceded, deciding to wait for Jisung to bring the previous topic back.

It took a few minutes, but eventually Jisung said, “I love Chenle and I don’t know what to do because I’m really scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Of what people will think,” Jisung instinctively blurted out, slapping his hand over his mouth in surprise. Donghyuck’s eyes widened in surprise at the honesty that Jisung displayed.

“You’re scared of what people will think?” Donghyuck cautiously asked, wanting Jisung to answer truthfully.

Since his statement was out already, Jisung gave up his pretense and rambled, “I know it’s unreasonable to be scared of what people will think because what the hell right? But when I catch myself staring at him for too long, I get scared that people will realize that I like a boy.”

Realizing what he said, Jisung looked at Donghyuck and quickly tried explaining so as not to offend the other. “N-Not that there’s something wrong with being gay! Love who you love! Who cares? I-I just-”

“Jisung-ah.”

Jisung stopped and looked at Donghyuck’s face. There was no trace of anger or offense on his face. There was only understanding.

“It’s okay. You never knew about any of this stuff before you met us right?”

Jisung flinched at the memory of the first time they talked about sexuality within the group. Donghyuck had proudly stated that he was gay, confusing Jisung as to what the term was and how it was possible for a boy to love another boy. His confusion getting even worse when Jaemin and Jeno came out as a bisexual. Chenle and Renjun shyly admitting that they liked boys and wasn’t sure about their sexuality, while Jisung stuttered out that he didn’t know.

Let’s just say, Jisung came back home that day knowing more about a different world and questioning his (then) current world.

“Yeah,” Jisung answered, snapping himself out of the very embarrassing memory.

“You don’t have any problems with us nor the community, right?” 

“Yeah,” Jisung replied, confused as to where the conversation was going.

“Are you struggling with your feelings for Chenle because even though you know about other sexualities now, it’s still hard to accept for yourself?” Donghyuck asked. He didn’t know how to properly deal with issues like this but knowing Jisung, it would be better to nicely persist because if not, Jisung would refuse to move a step forward.

Jisung buried himself in his hands, his groan being muffled. “I don’t know why it’s so hard hyung! Why can’t I just accept myself for liking  _ boys _ ?”

“Don’t you just like Chenle?”

Confused, Jisung looked up at Donghyuck and asked, “Yeah? But he’s a boy! Therefore I like  _ boys _ don’t I?”

“Not necessarily. You might be demisexual.”

“Demisexual? What’s that?”

“It means that you’re attracted to someone if you have a strong emotional connection with them.”

Jisung sat quietly contemplating about the possibility but before he could get any further, Donghyuck said, “Labels don’t matter. You don’t have to define yourself over things. The important thing is this.”

Donghyuck turned his body fully towards Jisung, prompting the younger to do the same. 

“What do you want to do with how you feel?”

“Honestly? I want to hide and run away,” Jisung answered, “I want to bury these feelings and hope it goes away because it’s such a hassle. I don’t like all this thinking and uncertainty.”

“But…” Jisung added a beat later.

“But when I’m with Chenle...I want to say fuck it. I get too worried about so many things but Chenle makes it feel like it doesn’t matter. It’s like when I’m with him everything would be alright.”

Donghyuck at this point was internally squealing. All of them, besides Chenle, were already aware that Jisung liked Chenle but no one knew to what extent. Donghyuck assumed it was probably love at this point but hearing it from the source was kind of surreal.

“Why don’t you go for it?” Donghyuck asked.

“Because whenever something happens, I freeze. Like, we could be laughing together and then suddenly we make eye contact and I just stop! Like,  _ how _ does he do that to me?” Jisung whined.

Donghyuck laughed at how adorable Jisung was acting right now, prompting Jisung to playfully shove the elder’s shoulder away. “Hyuuuung!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Donghyuck said, his laughter dying down, “I’m just really proud of you right now.”

“H-Huh?”

“You’ve grown so much since I met you. I know how hard it is to come to terms with your feelings and you’ve done so well until right now, but,” Donghyuck stopped, taking a good look at Jisung’s face, “It has been hard isn’t it?”

Maybe it was how long he has been hiding these feelings or maybe it was Donghyuck’s comforting presence, but all of a sudden Jisung felt like crying. Somehow, he managed to choke out, “Y-Yeah, it was.”

Donghyuck smiled and gently pulled Jisung to a hug, which the latter wholly accepted. Jisung nuzzled his face on the crook of Donghyuck’s neck, his hands wrapping around Donghyuck’s body as he clenched tightly unto the elder’s t-shirt, in an attempt to hide the stray tears that have fallen from his eyes.

Donghyuck raised his hand a proceeded to gently stroke the back of Jisung’s head. “It’s okay, Sung-ah. I’ll be here for you.”


	4. Chapter 4

True to his word, Donghyuck listened to all of Jisung’s rants and monologues. Of course, Donghyuck offered teasing remarks and suggestive looks, to which Jisung would always answer with a shove and an embarrassed flush, but despite it, Donghyuck knew when to be serious and give proper advice. 

Sometimes when Jisung was with Chenle, he’d find himself getting too overwhelmed and mentally shut off, prompting Donghyuck to intervene and bring Jisung to another room. Donghyuck would remind Jisung to take a breath and process the emotions step by step rather than what he had always done - diving head first into the sea without any prior knowledge. Donghyuck was just there to teach him how to swim.

It took 5 months since Jisung had talked to Donghyuck for him to be okay enough with his own feelings. He was ready to swim into the sea. 

“So? When are you gonna confess?” 

Jisung’s gaze shifted from his phone towards Donghyuck. They have somehow began a tradition of meeting up once a week after school in a cafe to talk about things that were too uncomfortable to talk about with the rest of their friends.

“When are you gonna tell me about the guy that you’ve been crushing on?” Jisung retorted, hoping to catch any sign of dismay in the elder’s face. Unfortunately for Jisung, Donghyuck remained unfazed.

“Nice deflect, my dude,” came Donghyuck’s reply, irritating Jisung even more. Jisung huffed and turned his attention back to his phone, angrily scrolling through twitter without properly paying attention to its contents.

“You know, Chenle is wondering why you’re hanging out with me more often.”

“Wh-What? How did you know?” Jisung asked, surprised by the new information. Donghyuck merely looked at Jisung.

“Chenle has been talking to Renjun a lot lately, you know? He thinks you’re replacing him with me, but he’s too scared to confront you,” Donghyuck says, watching how Jisung’s face morphs from surprise, confusion and finally, anger.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Jisung all but yelled, quieting only when other people gave him looks.

“Tell me, Jisung. If I told you this a month ago, what would you have done?”

“I would’ve stayed by his side!”

“And what? Continue burying your emotions so that you can be with him the majority of the time?”

Jisung was left speechless at the statement. He couldn’t say anything to Donghyuck because he knew that it was true. Jisung  _ would _ have gladly buried his feelings if it meant making Chenle happy.

“You needed time to process, okay? Don’t worry, Renjun knows enough about your feelings so he’s more than capable of appeasing Chenle.”

“You told Renjun hyung?” Jisung groaned, his hands coming up to his face, hoping that maybe if he couldn’t see Donghyuck, he could erase the image of Renjun and Donghyuck gossiping about him and Chenle.

“You’re not exactly subtle about it,” Donghyuck replied, allowing silence to envelope them as he waited for Jisung to look back at him.

After a while, Jisung did look at him and ask, “So why are you telling me this now?”

“You know as well as I do.” 

And Jisung did. He was comfortable enough with his feelings, but he wasn't too sure about doing anything about it.  _ Hey, just cause I can admit to myself and Donghyuck that I like Chenle, doesn’t mean I’m ready to admit it to anyone else.  _

“Yeah, okay I do,” Jisung huffed, “But it doesn’t mean that I’m gonna do anything about it.”

Donghyuck let out a tiny shriek of frustration, “Why not? You like him don’t you?”

“Yeah I do! But he’s still my best friend! I could lose him because of these feelings!” Jisung replied, equally exasperated.

Donghyuck internally sighed. He knew damn well that Chenle felt the same, but it was not in his place to say anything. If anything, Donghyuck understood Jisung’s uncertainty and fear but, “If you don’t do anything, then you will regret it your whole life,” he finds himself saying.

“Well, I’m gonna regret ruining our friendship that’s for sure.”

“So you would rather stay by Chenle’s side and watch him fall in love with someone else?”

“Wh-What?” Jisung stammered, not liking the idea of seeing Chenle being with someone.  _ I-I don’t know if I can bear seeing that, let alone smile at them. _

“Eventually, Chenle will fall in love and get married. He will probably ask you to be the best man. Can you handle that?” Donghyuck continued, feeling slightly bad at the image that he was giving Jisung, but he had to. Chenle couldn’t wait forever for Jisung and Jisung needed to know that. He needed to do something.

“No, I-I can’t,” Jisung quietly admits. 

“Hyung, I can’t watch him be in love with someone else. It’ll break me and I won’t even be able to be happy for him. I’d probably end up avoiding him, effectively ruining our friendship either way. Hyung, I-” Jisung stopped, acutely aware of the shortness in his breath. 

“Hyung what do I do?”

“It’s simple really, just kiss the boy.”

-

Jisung found himself confessing a week later. 

It was an accident, of course. Jisung was brave, but not  _ that _ brave.

It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. They just came from their usual ice cream parlor and decided to walk around aimlessly since none of them wanted to go home yet. It was nice outside, the sun has just began setting, allowing the temperature to cool down.

“How long do you think it’ll take until Jeno hyung and Jaemin hyung get together?” Chenle asked, catching Jisung’s attention.

“Hmmm, who knows. They’ve known each other for forever so it could take another lifetime,” Jisung replied, his answer inciting a loud laughter from the other. 

“That’s so true!” Chenle shrieked in joy, allowing a small smile to creep up into Jisung’s face.

“Even Donghyuck hyung is weird! Sheesh, what’s up with those three?” Jisung asked, unaware that the smile in Chenle’s face fell, “Guess growing up together do have side effects after all.”

Jisung smiled, pleased at his conclusion. He looked over to Chenle in hopes of seeing a mirrored expression, only to be met with a blank stare. “Lele?”

“You’re awfully close to Donghyuck hyung these days,” Chenle stated, staring straight ahead.

“Yeah, I guess. He’s nice to talk to,” Jisung answered, unsure of what to say next.  _ Where is this conversation going? _

“Guess I better watch out then, huh? He might replace me as your best friend,” Chenle jokes, plastering on a smile on his face that didn’t reach his eyes.

“No way. You’ll always be my best friend,” Jisung reassures without thinking. The moment the words left his mouth, he internally berated himself.  _ We’re supposed to confess! Not friendzone! Goddamnit, Park. _

While Jisung was too busy cursing himself, Chenle muttered, “Best friend, huh?”

“That sucks,” Chenle says, loudly this time, snapping Jisung out of his internal monologue.

“Huh?”

“I don’t think best friends are supposed to feel the way I do for you.”

“Wh-What?” Jisung stammered, his heartbeat accelerating. He mentally berated himself for allowing his wishful thinking to place more meaning into those words.

Chenle stopped in his steps, prompting Jisung to do the same. The sunset was hitting Chenle’s face, highlighting his face in a way that reminded Jisung of an angel.  _ Beautiful _ . 

Chenle maintained eye contact with Jisung, unwavering in his stance even though Jisung stood there frozen. 

“I like you, Park Jisung.”

Keyboard smash. That was all that was in Jisung’s mind. No words came to him at all. No matter how hard he tried, his brain had just stopped him from saying anything.

It seemed that Jisung hasn’t responded for too long since Chenle began rambling, “It’s okay Jisung-ie. You don’t have to feel the same way. I just wanted to let you know…”

Jisung had stopped listening as he found himself fixating on Chenle’s lips. “Just kiss the boy!” he hears Donghyuck yell at the back of his mind, and frankly, he couldn’t find it in himself to disagree. 

Without thinking any further, Jisung cuts Chenle off, “Can I kiss you?”

Chenle’s eyes widened, red dusting his cheeks. Not trusting his voice, he simply nodded, allowing Jisung to close the space between them. Slowly, their lips met, eyes fluttering shut as they each tried to savour the moment.

Chenle’s lips were soft, and Jisung couldn’t help himself but go at it again, wanting his very best to memorize this moment. Jisung couldn’t find it in himself to be worried about how they look like right now or who is looking at them. All he cared about right now was the feeling of Chenle’s lips on his.

“Jisung” Chenle breathlessly said, laughing a bit as Jisung chased after him.

“Come on, Jisung. Let’s go to your place,” Chenle giggled, pulling away from Jisung, the latter whining at the loss of contact. To appease the younger, Chenle interlaced their fingers together. It seemed to work because Jisung’s complaints died down and was replaced by a shy smile. 

Slowly they resumed their way to Jisung’s house. The sun has gone down and the number of people have dwindled down to only a handful of people left. No one seemed to mind the two boys, easing Jisung’s mind at the thought of being gossiped about. 

_ So we can have this, _ Jisung thinks fondly, unaware that he had said his thoughts out loud.

“What do you mean?” Chenle asked, prompting Jisung to realize what he had just said.

“I-Well,” Jisung started, scared that his answer would offend Chenle.  _ Be brave, Jisung. There’s no use letting this fester up inside you. _

“I was honestly really scared of liking you,” Jisung admitted.

“Oh?”

“Y-Yeah,” Jisung stammered out, taking a deep breath before continuing, “When I started liking you it terrified me because not only is it you, but also, y-you were a boy.”

Upon misinterpreting the confused expression in Chenle’s face for offense, Jisung quickly explained, “It’s just! I never thought I would like a boy! My parents always asked me if I had a girlfriend, so I just  _ assumed _ I would like girls and have a romance similar to a movie but-”

Jisung stopped, staring at Chenle, “But you’re much more to me than a movie. You’re the reality I want”

“And-and you like me,” Jisung says, the realization of his statement coming down on him, “Oh my god, you like me!”

Chenle giggled, his own heart fluttering at the thought of seeing Jisung being ecstatic over him and firmly held on to Jisung’s hand, “Y-Yes I do. I really do like you.”

Jisung grinned wider, letting go of Chenle’s hands, opting instead to hug the elder boy. “And I like you too.”

Jisung planted a soft kiss atop Chenle’s forehead (thank god he’s taller) and whispered, “Thank you for liking me.”

“Thank you as well.”

_ This is definitely better than any other romance movie I have seen.  _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the end! I hope you guys enjoyed! This was somewhat just a fluff piece hehe. I've been wanting to do something more angsty but it won't be in this series, because I really want to keep this series as light as possible hehe.


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